What are other people doing for their divorce parties?

I was recently interviewed for an article in The Globe and Mail, titled Breakup blowouts: How the divorce party is coming on strong for young divorcées. The reporter did a pretty thorough look at what could constitute a divorce party, ending on the fact that they’re personal celebrations or ways to mark that you’re moving on (“Divorce parties are ultimately as individual as the marriages themselves.”). It’s worth a read if you’re curious as to what some other people have done or plan to do to mark their divorces.

One thing that intrigued me was the marathon runner. She took up running after the breakup, and why not? Many people go to the gym and go on “breakup diets,” and though I wouldn’t want to recommend that, picking up a healthy sport sounds like a positive thing to do for yourself to celebrate your new life.

Hey Miami: It’s on! A divorce party you don’t have to plan yourself

A divorce party for anyone who wants one is being thrown at the Riviera Hotel in Miami, Florida, this Friday, June 18, 2014. Debbie Martinez (called “The Divorce Whisperer, for her various career turns) is putting on a divorce party, and she wants it to have a positive spin, not a negative one like divorce parties sometimes automatically are thought to have.

There will definitely be a charity angle: The article in the Miami NewTimes states: “Martinez is also encouraging attendees to bring their wedding gown and donate it to a charity helping affianced women who can’t afford the price of a new dress. Think spring cleaning while also getting rid of the past and moving on … “

It also sounds like every divorce party thing you could think of will be there: The aptly named drinks like the Rum Baby Rum, and gifts for attendees such as a ring coffin and other humorous tokens.

So if you’re a Miamian (Miamite?) going through a divorce, you can check out the divorce party at the Riviera this weekend.

It might not turn out to be what you would have planned for yourself, but attendance is free, and sometimes it’s nice to have company when you’re going through a tough time, and know you’re not alone (given most of the other attendees will be in the same situation as you)!

Divorce parties in Iran?

I was honestly surprised to see that divorce parties are growing in popularity in places like Iran, according to a recent BBC article.

Apparently, the trend there involves ordering black roses, and getting invitation cards to send to friends with song lyrics about not missing the ex on them, and some officials have already expressed concern  about (read: condemned) the trend of celebrating divorce (although, as you might know if you are planning a divorce party, it’s not about celebrating the end of a marriage, it’s about celebrating a brand new life and the future).

The divorce statistic is lower there, though, as the article states that nearly 20% of marriages end in divorce in Iran (whereas it’s often said that it’s closer to 50% in North America). That, combined with the officials expressing concern, and I wonder how much this trend will actually take off in that country?

What’s the point of a divorce party, really?

There has been a lot of buzz about divorce parties lately, and some of it has missed the mark.

Like this title: Marriage Is “Out” and Divorce Parties Are “In”.The article gets the idea but the heading is misleading. No one is saying marriage is bad or that anyone wants to get a divorce, or that divorce is something we should all do. Marriage is most definitely not “out,” although when marriages end, divorce parties are definitely gaining in popularity.

Some of it is coverage that’s getting the word out there, like this one which sums it all up nicely.

Then there are pieces where the author is grossly misinformed as to what a divorce party is, like this one, where the author’s understanding of it is: “Divorce party: a celebration of a broken vow. “Hooray! We quit on ourselves and each other! Now let’s dance!

When I first heard of divorce parties, I thought the idea was pretty morbid as well, but I changed my mind once I understood the point. The point of a divorce party is not to take something disappointing or hard and celebrate it, and party because a marriage failed. The point is that once you’ve done everything you can to save a marriage and it’s not possible, it’s time to pick up the pieces, and look to the future, and celebrate a fresh start and the fact that there is still life left to live. Why sit around moping? What if the divorce wasn’t your choice, even, but it still happens? What if your relationship was not good for anyone involved and divorce is the best option? Why hang your head in shame, when you’ve tried and tried to make it work?

There are always going to be people who don’t understand your choices, and who will be judgmental of your divorce, whether or not it was your choice, and who will not understand if you throw a party to celebrate your new life. But, if a party helps to mark the fact that you’re moving forward — like New Year’s Eve does for some people — then that’s a good thing, and worth celebrating.

 

 

 

 

 

#DivorceTattoos are a thing!

Can’t think of what to do for your divorce party? What if you got a divorce tattoo?

Wait … divorce tattoo? I suppose that a tattoo to commemorate something is normal and that divorce is as good a reason as any to get one!

A recent CBC article claimed that divorce tattoos are growing in popularity thanks to Pinterest.

Perhaps the sharing of them has grown thanks to sites like that, but I think tattoos to commemorate divorce are growing in popularity since tattoos are growing in popularity and divorce has become something that can be safely discussed, and even celebrated in a way, when you choose to mark it in order to move on.

What do you think of inspirational quotes or images that make you feel independent and strong, permanently inked into your skin, to remind you of said independence and strength?

Changing your name after divorce (or for any other reason)!

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Exciting news! For those divorcing Canadians who, in the midst of planning a divorce party, perhaps, realize they’d like to change their names back to the one they had before marriage, or for those people who have many other reasons to change their names, Changing Your Name in Canada was just released by Self-Counsel Press. It includes a list of places to inform of the name change after you’ve gotten your identification updated, so it’s handy for anyone changing their name for any reason. It’s on Amazon too, and Chapters Indigo!

 

 

Gwyneth Paltrow to write book about divorce (after she throws herself a ginormous, Goop-style divorce party)?

Whenever a celebrity gets divorced these days, the question seems to be how he or she is going to mark the occasion. It was only a couple of weeks ago that Ms. Goop herself, Gwyneth Paltrow, and soon-to-be-ex-husband, Coldplay frontman Chris Martin, announced their “conscious uncoupling” (a term she may not have invented herself but that she is being made fun of for as if she did, nonetheless).

Love her or love to hate her, Gwynnie does what she likes and doesn’t seem to care that a lot of us think her tastes are extravagant and she is out of touch with the common person … I  think she probably gets a bad rap, a lot of the time. Then again, I can’t afford anything she recommends on her site, nor do I have a nanny, so … maybe her tastes are extravagantly out of touch with mine.

That said, rumor is this lady is going to write a divorce book and possibly throw herself a big ol’ divorce bash, and that is one divorce party I would absolutely love an invite to. If anyone can put together an over-the-top, extravagant ode to newly single life, I’m sure it’s Gwyneth, and I’m also pretty sure I wouldn’t be able to afford whatever it turns out to be.

New Year, New You?

If you are coming out the other side of divorce right now as we start the new year, then best wishes to you and your future. I hope the new year makes you feel as if a new you is ready to take over the world, refreshed and full of life.
Happy New Year!

Divorce registries: Why not?

Remember that Sex and the City episode where Carrie’s mad because she is constantly buying wedding and baby shower gifts, but as a single girl, she feels she’ll never be repaid, so she wonders, after graduation, when do single gals ever get presents? (Starts at 8:58 here.) As my Self-Counsel publicist said, the idea of a divorce party is along the same lines … why shouldn’t you celebrate being single again? People celebrate everything else!

Anyway, I hear Demi Moore is rumored to be throwing a divorce party soon and apparently she has signed up for a registry. I think that is an awesome idea. Why would you want stuff around that, say, someone gave you for your wedding? It would just remind you of your ex. Get yourself a divorce party registry and get some new stuff. And then get rid of that old stuff that reminds you of the ex on Dreams Recycled.

Happy gifting and registry shopping!